Directions Eastern Shore

[SheafGnome]

OK. I will try to keep this short.

For several years now I have been treated like a lawn ornament around MASA. Publicly I have been proped against the sheaf standards, had scotch poured at my feet, and even occasionally bowed too. All of these in an effort to receive my blessings of great feats in the sheaf toss. But privately my life has been hell!! After each game the athletes fight over who takes me home, sounds good, except the one that takes me home is the one with the lowest height!! I cannot begin to talk about what happens between games. Just to shed a little light on it - I have been in the possesion of Tim Ross for most of this year and my experiences include car trunks, being wrapped in a towel, and stuffed in bags with - gnomegod forbid - hammer shoes.

I had it. So I ran away after the Richmond games!! I am trying to figure out how to get to the other side of the bay so I can get back to an athlete deserving of my presence, one whom will treat me with the respect I deserve.

Can some one tell me where to go? I hid on the caber truck to get out of Richmond, but fell off after I could not stand the smell of those wretched sticks - I cannot believe you all even consider tossing those things an athletic endeavor?!

Please help me find a place where I can live for the off season and regain my dignity!!

SheafGnome

[TheHammer]

LOL

[FrankH]

Go west, young sheaf gnome. Specifically, go to VMC headquarters in Vienna, VA to find "Sheafdaddy". You can thank me by letting me throw over 22 feet again.

Cheers,

Mike Dickens

[TheHammer]

over 22? Heck the gnome can come stay with me if he can get me throwing over 18.... i'm tired of scratchin on sheaf

[Tim]

Dear Sheaf Gnome,

How could you leave me this w............. Know what? Screw you! I gave you nothing but love! Scotch and snuggling on cold nights weren't good enough for you were they? All I ever asked for was to clear a modest height at the sheaf. And what did you do? You knocked it back down at me. Mocking me at 18 ft, never once letting me clear 26 ft. I cleared 22 ft at Richmond, no thanks to you. Adam Brahosky brought you into this world and I only wanted to protect you until you realized that you need to bring joy to sheaf tossing and not sorrow. Eric Wright has been unable to throw with me so he couldn't keep you. Dan Jackson has also had some tribulations, so he couldn't take care of you. Well, I for one am glad you are gone! You say you want respect, but all you ever do is kick the sheaf back. Let it be known that whoever does the poorest in the sheaf must take you home and provide for you. You SOB! Go find some other unwitting soul to take you in. Enjoy your caber smells.

over 22? Heck the gnome can come stay with me if he can get me throwing over 18.... i'm tired of scratchin on sheaf

You poor, misguided fool! You can have him! He is "The Gnome of Shame"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TheHammer]

Cool,
hey wait a minute am i an unwitting soul?
lol

[miked]

Frank, that would be funny if it weren't so painfully true.

Maybe I should become a minion of the sheaf gnome and perhaps, perhaps, he will unlock the mystery of the bag-o-twine. Someday, something's gonna have to work.

BTW, Frank, how's that stone coming along?

[FrankH]

Well the good Lord willing, I hope to be getting within a couple feet of the WR in the 55-59 age group next year.

[SheafGnome]

Pay no attention to the little man with long hair who calls me a gnome of shame. I am a delightful happy gnome whose only cares for my caretakers success in sheaf. My only interests are sheaf, scotch and women. Not always in that order. Yes, Mike, join the men of the games who honor me, I will help you, I will help all who pay homage to me, but only one can take me home - the one who needs me the most cares for me. If I knew you would care me I never would have jumped from the sheaf truck, but then small children scare me (and some dogs, and cats, and gerbils, and chickens, I really do not like chickens). But alas!! I am wandering in search of a home. I will find a home.

And mike and frank, worthy men of the sheaf, what is this talk of the stone thing on the Sheaf Gnome post?! How is throwing a rock even a remote comparison to the grace and skill of the sheaf toss? Only those worthy, with strength and agility can handle the mighty event called sheaf!!

[Ruark]

Dear Mr. Gnome
It would be a great blessing to a new guy to have you teach him the way of the sheaf. I am an blank canvas waiting for the artist to turn me into a masterpiece. These guys say bad things about you. I can understand why you left the last guy. There is no respect for such a great teacher as you.


Youre humble servant
Ruark

[Clancelt]

The only way that gnome would go home with me is if I threw without a fork! and I'd still have a good chance of beating Tim )

lol

Doh, no he d'int!

[TheHammer]

hmmm i think i might be able to be more competitive in sheaf if the fork were optional.... and then if the caber were a braemar event i might even place over all ....

[CelticElf66]

Hammer - ALWAYS Braemar the caber if I am backjudging. I look fondly on that.

Sheaf Gnome - nowhere do you mention the appreciation for the special treatments you get, specifically being the only "athlete" on the athletic field at VSG in 2007 that was given special dispensation to drink the adult beverages. I am beginning to that you are one of the more spoiled among the group. Rock the House has done nothing but pay you proper hommage, ok, perhaps lacking a bit after tipping back a few, but at least he has the courtesy to wrap you in a towel to prevent you from the bumps along the road.

[TheHammer]

lol as far as i'm concerned eveything should be a braemar event.

[SheafGnome]

Dearest Alexandra - aka PuppetMaster, AD and judge supreme...to you, I say thank you. On a field full of smelly men covered in pine tar and chalk - neither of which is needed for the honorable sheaf toss - you are one of the sights of the day I look foward too. You are among the few who deserve the same homage and tribute as I. I will share my scotch and cookies, which the athletes provide, with you on any field of competition. Especially is it is raining, for I know you shall, perhaps, be considerate enough to keep me dry and warm

Please, please to not place yourself among those defending the perverse and angry ways I am treated by the athletes - after all the blessings I have bestowed upon them. Those I bless with improved prowess of the field disparage me as a curse and insist I go home with the one whose sheaf toss is the least of the day. I run from the long haired becuase I was not wrapped in a towel to protect me - but covered and muffled because he did not want to be seen with me.

I will find a place to be, a place where I am comfortable and happy, perhaps I can find my way to a place I have been before; and then, when the season begins, a new person can take me home, maybe ruark or miked or perhaps thehammer. I miss the scotch and sunning myself under sheaf standards already, what a long dreary winter it will be if I cannot find the place for which I search.

[Tim]

Hey Gnomey, Can you book my trip to Scotland next year? Oh wait. That's the other one. The one that everyone wants to be with.

[Ruark]

Hey,
Tim leave the little gnome alone. You should have taken his teaching more serious than calling him the gnome of shame. All he wanted to do was to help you.


Ruark

[CelticElf66]

Sheaf Gnome;

You are welcome to winter yourself off my balcony and enjoy the morning sun shining in the glass doors every morning. Not sure how much scotch Lowell will be willing to share

[TheHammer]

SheafGnome;
You are welcome to hang out on my front porch(with a great view of my sheaf tree) all winter. And since i'm not supposed to be drinking there is an abundance of whiskey. And my caber is in the back yard so you won't even have to look at it. On top of all that i don't use hammer boots so you won't have that indignity to deal with.

[miked]

Mr. Gnome,

if you will help me toss off the bain of premature sheaf disqualification, I will provide a nice, cozy home for the winter. you can take your place in the family next to Holly and Sophie. We will even make room for you in our cozy sleep by numbers bed; do you like it soft or firm?

There will be none of this left on the porch for winter, or subjection to towels and blades and truck beds. you will have a comfy stroller to cruise around in and on special occassions, i will don my "Gnome Bjorn" and carry you snuggled up to my chest.

there is ample scotch and cookies stored for the winter. we have a big screen TV which can be left on the channel of your choice while we are at work. and, we will even allow access to the computer so you can peruse the gnome personals and perhaps find a fine gnomette to join us for the winter.

However, if you fail to disclose the riddle of the sheaf, i will chattle you to the wheel of pain until your little legs crumble and then crucify you on the tree of woe.

sincerely,

miked

[TheHammer]

Lol well i can't compete with miked on that one... the wife will have me shot if a bring a gnome into bed

[SheafGnome]

Oh! Oh! Yes!!! thank you, thank you all - I feel the love, I feel the homage, oh where should I go?

Alexandra? but then there is Lowell. I will see you again the Spring.

Miked? I almost cried a gnome tear, a carriage? snuggling? a bed? a lovely lady? - I weep at these thoughts after months in a bag and weeks along a highway. I wish I had never jumped from the truck...oh yeah, I am afraid of little kids and the crucifixion thingy....

TheHammer? Oh how you know me...whiskey, a sheaf tree, no cabers in sight, no hammer shoes...oh what an offer, how can I refuse thee?

But alas - I feel I must return to one who already knows me, to one who has had me before.

Perhaps I may reach them after these weeks of travelling I am beginning to recognize places I have seen and think I am gettting closer to the one for whom I am searching.

[Dan Jackson]

None of you know what you were asking for!! I have personal knowledge of this ...thing. Yes he looks cute but let me tell you what its like to have him around.
At first I could over look him and the shame he brings. Then the cell phone was missing and then the next thing you know I had a Gnome infestation! When they invaded my neighbors yard, I didn't care so much, but one day I came home from work and my house looked like it was host to the frat party from hell!! There were pizza boxes stuffed under the couch, beer cans every where and I caught them feeding my Labrador hard boiled eggs just so they could light the farts!!!
All I can say is POOR TIM!! I blind folded his little pvc face so that he could never find his way back here. I say we take him to Scotland next year for the MWC just to find out if he makes good Nessie bait.

[CelticElf66]

Not to stir the pot, but where is Sheaf Gnome these days?

[Mrs. T-Bone]

The gnome crawled into a Signatory Vintage Single Malt Whiskey bottle tin with his towel and fork after some game long past. He, in his quest to return to the Eastern Shore, had progressed East along Rt 64 headed for the Bay Bridge Tunnel. I fear that the offer to put him up for the night has turned into a life of ease for the little devil. He has basked in the sun, drank his fill of the finest whiskies I could carry back from Scotland and he has been seen on a sailboat filled with bikini clad women. Needless to say this put a halt to his march eastward! I can't be sure whether it was the good scotch or the cute little bikini babes that slowed his progress but he has enjoyed himself to no end! It is time for the little varmint to resume his trek! To that end I have offered him an ultimatum!! Facilitating his need to get to the Eastern Shore I have offered to give him a ride as far as Prince Frederick no later than the end of the month. He has agreed to leave his little harem and prepare for the trip. Sooooo.... assuming he is true to his word, I will deliver him that far and count him well and done with. Some other poor unsuspecting soul can find him a place for a night and be regaled with his stories of conquest and courtship. Think long and hard before he gets there. This one is tricksy he is!!